As a nation, we have forgotten that when when weilded by a skilled master, politics can be the most powerful weapon of change for the world today. It can start and end wars without firing a single shot, alter the bounderies, cultures, and consciousness of an entire country, and change global environments. But when practiced by Dickheads, it can confuse and confound the most worldly and educated among us. It becomes a dance of dimwittedness performed with such audacity that it would score a perfect 10 in the Moron Olympics. And nowhere does this performance get more muddied than in the mind of the average working class citizen (provided he or she has at least the minimum number of life sustaining brain cells firing).

This miasma quickly turns to a chunky sludge when politics is examined from the perspective of those individuals who are lovingly referred to as "Intellectually Challenged" by the politically correct fanatics of the world. They are known to me and my followers simply as the Head-In-The-Ass-Brigade. For any of you "challenged" individuals who have actually made it this far in reading my blog, I offer you this definition of politics to ease your pain and confusion:

"Politics can be summed up as a simmering stew of masterful speeches composed of meaningless hot air spiced with brown-nosing, payoffs, and ego-fueled sexual commerce practiced by wrinkly, unattractive old farts that couldn't get laid on coupon day at the Chicken Ranch."

There are at this moment about 50,000 Brigade members who are having an epiphany which will temporarily stunt their brain activity. But don't despair, they'll be rebooted in time for the 2010 elections.

Honestly folks, politics wouldn't be any fun without the Head-In-The-Ass-Brigade. Luckily for us they are spread far and wide and their membership transcends all class levels and economic conditions. We can find them on every corner and we can always count on them to turn any political debate or election into a free-for-all of ignorance. They are the Lou Costello to our Bud Abbott, the Sarah Palin to our John McCain, the Penn Gillette to our Teller. That last one could go either way since one of them refuses to speak but still manages to say some of the dumbest things while the other one won't shut up and makes the dumbest things sound perfectly logical. The Brigades' ability to astound us with the most hairbrained, imbecilic takes on political issues drives us to work towards significant future goals for our planet; like genetic testing, designer babies and cloning. They are directly responsible for our continuous efforts to evolve as a species. If it weren't for them, we would all be right wing conservatives placing our fates firmly and blindly in the Lord above as we watch televangelists host the end of the world.

I firmly believe that sometime somewhere in the galaxy, God went on a bender and dropped the ball. Because when that happened, these assholes started to breed uncontrollably, thus creating the intense need for hippies, agnostics, and Liberals. I also firmly believe that when he gets back he is going to slap a hazardous warning on this world that says "Do Not Land - Stupidity in Progress. Watch for new worlds coming to a galaxy near you!"